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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

lately...

i hate the feeling of not being accepted because i dont have a baby, or i'm not pregnant.

lately life has caught up to me, and i have been feeling a little sad. josh tries to understand, but sometimes i just cant explain it. i hate crying. i am not a crier by nature. and lately i have cried over too many stupid things. but at the same time, i have cried over a major thing that is happening in my life.

i feel like i am loosing all my friends one by one. but i am lucky enough to have married my BEST FRIEND. i am lucky enough to have him by my side all the time. he is so great to me. i love him so much! he is my rock.
i am not writing this post to get sympathy from people. i just need to get my feelings out, and i figured this is the best way to do so. sometimes i am at a loss of words, and things to say to people. i hope i havent offended anyone in anyway shape or form. i apoologize if i have.

yesterday morning, i got news that my grandpa, who was diagnosed with lung cancer back in Oct., was admitted to the hospital. he is weak. i think the end is coming. quicker than we all thought. i am sad to know that none of mine and josh's children will know him. he is a great man! he is so strong! my hero. i love him so much!

when josh and i got married towards the end of our reception my grandpa wanted to dance with me. luckily our videographers where there and were able to capture this moment. i am going to charish that video, and the few pictures from that forever!

11 comments:

Leslie Moon Face said...

hmm... it sounds like maybe we need to have a chat Micah... Reading this was like reading some of my own thoughts as of late.

Korry.Taffee.Jaci.Milo said...

LOVE you MICAH! Im sorry things have been so hard lately... I just wanted you to know what I KNOW.... I KNOW your BABIES will know GRANDPA BRENT!! I woudl type more but I keep crying... P.S.I have friends who dont want to hangout with me anymore BC I have kids and they dont:( Your not alone and when are we going to have a cousin party??? We NEED to spend more time together:) FAMILY is THE BEST!!

The Burns said...

I think you already know how I feel about this subject! But I am sorry to hear about your grandpa!

Mallory said...

Micah,
I love you so much. I wish that I lived closer to you, so that I could hang out with you all the time. My heart is full, heavy, and unbearable. I wish I was with you to cry with. I know this will pass, and that we will see grandpa again when the time comes for him to pass. We must lean on each other and move forward. Your children, and mine, will know him through us. We are his posterity. :) we will teach them. I love you.. Call me. anytime. I agree with Taffee.. We need to get together like we've been saying. Love, love, love you.

Brenda said...

Oh...We LOVE ya Micah!! What sweet pictures! Great memories! You are an amazing young woman, your time to be a mommy will come someday and you bet your bootie that Granpa will teach and train your little ones with all kinds of tricks and shanagins!! Can't cha see that ..... :) love ya!!

Burlene said...

oh my baby girl....I am so sorry if I have added to your heartache with any teasing. I love you, always and forever.

We all cherish your pictures and video with Grandpa. He will be added to our Guardian angel group and if you get even one like your wondering sister, we will need another one.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. We love you tons. Thanks for the support and wonderful example. Josh too, we need you both.

Chris and McKell said...

I love you Micah I know the feelings your having I was there once too! and hey I still am not accepted and I have a baby! I just must be a freak or something ha ha anyway I think your great and would love to hang with you guys more we totally should my husband always is telling me how funny and fun you are!

Devan Rae Photography said...

Micah, I am so sorry! Seriously I can't imagine how you're feeling! My grandfather has been in the hospital the last few months with endless problems but we all still have hope for him. I would be absolutely devastated if he died, He is my favorite, and my closest gpa! If you need anything or anyone, you know I am right here for you!
Devan

Mindy & Steve said...

I'm in the no kid looser group too! We should get together sometime! It would be fun.

Eva said...

Dear Adorable Micah,
I know with all my heart that even if your beautiful babies don't know your grandfather on this earth, they'll be chillin with him while they are waiting to come down here and meet you :) It's sill but all of my grandparents died long before my Lily, and I like to think that my grandma had a hand in picking my Lily to send to me, just when we needed her most.
As for the baby thing, like all really wonderful things in life, it is never a good idea to do it because Everybody Else Is Doing It. This is completely a Utah mentality. Noone has the right to know when your children should come except you, Josh, and God. Good for you for following your own path. When it's time you'll know and it won't matter what anyone else thinks..too soon... too long...its all rubbish. Follow your heart. <3 Eva

Lesa said...

Micah, I am so sorry about your grandpa. I love you so much and I think you are such a wonderful person! We haven't seen each other in forever, but I still think of you as one of my best friends :O). If you ever need anything I'm here in Heber!